When someone asks “Why don’t they just leave?” it is a form of blaming the victim for choices made by the abusive partner. Domestic violence is about power and control and abusive people know that violence and abuse are effective ways to control another person. Our society reinforces this behavior by allowing someone to abuse another person and not hold them accountable for their actions. Society says, “it’s a matter between two consenting adults,” or “she must like it or she would leave.” Law enforcement and judicial systems impose penalties that are often little better than a slap on the wrist—no jail time and a $100.00 fine, for instance. In New Mexico, only about 15% of domestic violence offender are sentenced to jail time.
Why don’t they just leave? Here are some reasons:
the victim has no access to financial resources—all checking accounts, deed to the home, rental agreement, car title, credit cards, etc. are in the name of the abuser
victim has children with abuser and has been threatened that she/he will lose custody if she/he leaves
abuser has threatened to harm, or has already harmed, victim, their children, other family members or friends, and even themself (#1 indicator of future abuse is a past history of abuse)
victim still loves partner and believes that he/she will stop abusive behavior
victim knows that she/he is at the highest risk of lethality when she/he chooses to leave
family, children, friends, churches counsel victim to stay
victim believes that there is no safe place to go
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